Penguins Experience Black Friday Sale!

Okay, we're not actually having a sale. However, in the spirit of Black Friday and all of the wonderful long lines and employee trampling it inspires, we have come up with a list of items that the Pittsburgh Penguins could put on sale today.

So put down that LCD TV you woke up at 3am to get, let that struggling old lady you pushed down at the store entrance have the last discount iPod and join us for the First Annual PenguinsExperience.com Black Friday Sale!!!

CLEARANCE SALE: Box of Marian Hossa Pittsburgh Penguins Jerseys
Available at an even bigger discount if you just recently won the Stanley Cup!
* Note: Jerseys may have some visible fire damage.

CLEARANCE SALE: Marc-Andre Fleury's Yellow Pads
Because an eye doctor in Ottawa made our goalie that much better.

CLEARANCE SALE: Dany Sabourin's "Creepy Baby" Mask
Many say he changed it to show his humourous side and his French-Canadian heritage, but the truth is the team was freaked out and wanted it gone.
* Note: We cannot be held responsible if Sabourin's daughter climbs out of side of the helmet to feast on the souls of the living.

CLEARANCE SALE: Evgeni Malkin's Translator
No longer needed after interviews like this. Malkin is awesome.

CLEARANCE SALE: Sidney Crosby's "Buddy Band"
With Colby gone Sid doesn't need it anymore. He'll never find another friend like him.

CLEARANCE SALE: Ryan Malone "Pittsburgh's First Son" T-Shirt
SOLD OUT!
Bought by Tampa Bay for $31.5 million.

SALE: Bulk Lot of ""Sudden Death" on DVD and VHS
Iceberg insisted the team get this movie far away from the arena. This still gives him nightmares.

SALE: Sergei Gonchar 2009 NHL All-Star Game Jersey
Because even if he gets voted in, there's no way he'll play. Nice job putting him on the ballot NHL!

Candy
Free!

SALE: A Spot on Sidney Crosby's Wing
The team's tried everyone possible there and now they're offering the spot to you! It couldn't be worse than the time when the best option was Andy Hilbert.

SALE: Mario Lemieux's Suit from the new arena groundbreaking
What's the best way to stand out when you're surrounded by politicians? Wear this awesome suit.

SALE: Map to Kansas City
They'll never need that again!

So come on down to PenguinsExperience.com! We've got amazing sales for you today! We'll even push you around a bit so you get the full Black Friday experience! You can't miss it!